Something Wicked This Way Comes

I'm in a constant vulnerable place these days. I feel like I'm at some strange breaking point, but I can see myself and my crazy reactions. All I want to do is force myself to calm down and buck up. I'm an adult, after all...right? And that's what adults do. They deal. I'm trying, I really am. But the minute I don't smile or the second I'm not bubbling with conversation, people think I'm mad. I'm not; I'm just thinking.

But for the first time in my life, I have this creeping feeling that I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time. The pressures from home keep building and I'm almost positive that there will be a drastic change before I graduate. Something will break. It's a change, I fear, that I'm going to be upset that I was halfway across the country for. There's already been the odd shifting of family dynamics. Suddenly, my mom sees me as a friend and a confidant--which, I love, don't get me wrong. I do wish, however, that she left the financial woes out of the conversations. It would be nice if I saw her as more of a confidant, as well. There's a lot that needs to be said that I can't find the words to say.