It's been a while. I guess I've just been trying to catch my breath and get my bearings about me. It is officially my last semester at school. I'm entirely undecided about what I want to do after graduation. To avoid the what-ifs and definite game plans, I have been fully imersing myself in things that are ridiculous, such as my everything-a-person-could-ever-want-to-know-about Alice in Wonderland book. It's quite fabulous, actually.
You know as kids, how we all hope to be “happy” when we’re older? That that’s how we measure success—in happiness. At least, we hope that’s how we’ll measure it. That I imagined my happiness to one day be contingent on the amount of Barbies I had or even as simple as knowing I was achieving my dreams. Because who wants to admit that what they really want out of life is a great job or money?
Then I look at myself: if I don’t get into law school, I WILL feel like a failure. If I don’t get a job, I WILL consider myself a failure. Why do I need these sorts of accomplishments to measure my self worth? If it’s not a top tier law school, I’ve convinced myself that my academics mean nothing. If it’s not a high paying dream job, then I just wasn’t worth a second glance. The “Go big or go home” mentality seems to have really set in.
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